Haveo · Social anxiety at work

Feeling like you do not belong at work

Reassurance does not work because the feeling reinterprets it — praise becomes politeness, success becomes luck. What shifts it is a written record of specific things you did, because a list is harder to argue with than a memory.

Why being told you are good does not help

The feeling has an answer for every piece of evidence: praise was kindness, the project went well because the team was strong, the interview went well because the questions were easy.

So more reassurance produces more reinterpretation. That is why it keeps not working, and it is not that people are not trying.

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Keep a written record

A running note: what you shipped, what you fixed, what someone thanked you for, with dates.

Specific and dated is the format that resists reinterpretation. It is also exactly what you need at a review, so it pays twice.

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Separate the two questions

"Do I feel competent" and "am I doing the job" are different, and only the second one has evidence. Plenty of people do the second for years while answering no to the first.

Deciding by the second question is the practical move, rather than waiting to feel different.

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Say it to one person

It is close to universal, and almost nobody says it out loud. Saying it to one colleague you trust usually produces "oh, me too" from someone you assumed was certain.

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New job, new role, new level

It spikes at every transition and that is expected rather than diagnostic. Being new at something is not the same as being unqualified for it.

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Rehearse it before you walk in.

Haveo builds your intro, lets you practice out loud with an AI coach, and keeps your notes one tap away in the room. Free on iPhone and iPad.

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Common questions

Does it go away with seniority?
Mostly it changes shape rather than leaving. People describe it getting quieter and more familiar rather than ending.
Should I tell my manager?
You can ask for concrete feedback without framing it this way. "What would you want me doing differently?" gets you the evidence without the conversation.
Is it ever accurate?
Occasionally you are genuinely new and under-skilled — and that is a learning plan, not a character verdict. The test is whether you can name the specific gap.
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